After taking a break last week (I had something like three million papers to grade) from writing my blog, I feel I must return to my first love: politics. Yes, there are many more local things I could discuss: trimesters, Jo's awesome basketball season, Iowa's apparent lack of a winter--but I just can't stop myself from writing about the new leader in the Republican presidential race: Rick Santorum. This guy is a serious nutcase and right now, he's leading serious contender Mitt Romney and political heavyweight Newt Gingrich. And Ron Paul.
First off, he's a heavy-duty homophobe. I'm not talking your garden variety "let's leave the Lutheran Church" homophobe--I'm talking verging on mental illness homophobe. During his 99-country tour of Iowa, Santorum frequently compared same-sex relationships to inanimate objects like trees, basketballs, beer, and paper towels and even tried to blame the economic crisis on gay people. As Santorum explained back in August, religious people have a constitutional right to discriminate against gays: “We have a right the Constitution of religious liberty but now the courts have created a super-right that’s above a right that’s actually in the Constitution, and that’s of sexual liberty. And I think that’s a wrong, that’s a destructive element.” I don't know about you, but I wouldn't even know how to go about having sex with a paper towel. Anyone that can imagine that is a little unhinged.
Rick actually spends quite a bit of time talking about sex. He thinks contraception is "dangerous" and that perhaps states should ban it. I'll just let him say it himself: "That's the perfect way that a sexual union should happen. We take any part of that out, we diminish the act. And if you can take one part out that's not for purposes of procreation, that's not one of the reasons, then you diminish this very special bond between men and women, so why can't you take other parts of that out? And all of a sudden, it becomes deconstructed to the point where it's simply pleasure. And that's certainly a part of it--and it's an important part of it, don't get me wrong--but there's a lot of things we do for pleasure, and this is special, and it needs to be seen as special. Again, I know most presidents don't talk about those things, and maybe people don't want us to talk about those things, but I think it's important that you are who you are. I'm not running for preacher."
Okay, so let me get this straight. Rick Santorum thinks the president should decide what is "special," particularly in regards to sexual things. And if a couple isn't having sex for procreation, it loses it's "specialness." So, post-menupausal and sterile women should just give up the ghost. Oh yeah, and he's not running for preacher, whatever that means. So sayeth the man that wants to be president.
The fact that this man is even taken seriously says a lot about the electorate. In the fight for "who can be the most conservative" he surely wins. Well, I guess that something. Not something substantive, educated, or sane--but something.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
I'm going to take a break from writing about politics for a week. I'm going to write about something really important: my son Cody's upcoming high school graduation. The next person to ask me what Cody's plans are after graduation may just get smacked. Cody's plans go up to the actual graduation ceremony and then he's pretty much plan-less. As frustrating as I find that--being a super planner myself (when I was little more than a toddler I was making lists for my mother), it is HIS future and there's not a whole lot I can do if he doesn't hurry up and make some decisions, darn it.
All I can control is what leads up to the graduation ceremony--senior pictures, class rings, and, of course, the graduation open house. Not that Cody hasn't had input into these things--it's just that if he doesn't make a decision, I just go ahead and make it for him. And--it gets done--crossed off the list--never to be worried about again. The ways things should be, darn it. But, I digress.
We decided to combine a cross country pasta supper with a zombie theme. Yeppers--no little ham sandwiches for this graduation party--we're gonna be DIFFERENT. Instead of the obligatory cake, we'll be serving zombie cookies. I wasn't even going to offer mints--but then I found a brain mold so decided to go ahead and make some bloody little sweets. Well, at least I PLAN on making mints--I've never actually done it before and most of my cooking experiments don't turn out so well.
The plates and napkins won't be in class colors, but in black, because, well, zombies like black. I bought them on clearance the day after Halloween, along with some eyeball ice cubes and an intestine jello mold. The punch will be bright red and served in an IV bag. Instead of signing a guest book, visitors will have their picture taken with the grad by a pack of marauding zombies left over from Paddy's birthday party.
But that's not all folks: Cody decided he wanted to have a bouncy house for all his little nieces, nephews, and cousins. And not just any bouncy house--but a PRINCESS bouncy house. Patrick--in full zombie regalia--will serve as the host of the bouncy house. Yes, I do have strange children. Why do you ask?
The biggest challenge has to do with the most normal decision we've made--the meal. Before every cross country meet the last six years, Dean has hosted a pasta pot luck for his runners. We decided Cody's graduation party would be his last pasta supper as a high schooler. Since Cody's a vegetarian (yet again, he is odd), we decided on a white sauce, a red sauce, two different noodles, and no meat. A little research showed that serving pasta buffet-style is difficult. Apparently, I am to cook the noodles to "slightly below al dente" and then give them a "cold shock." I have no idea what any of that means, but it sounds complicated. Then you serve the pasta in warm water. Well, I found some really cool skeleton tongs to serve it with--that's a start, right?? Ham sandwiches might have been easier.
I haven't figured out what to do about bread yet. I've been using my newfound couponing skills to buy the pasta and sauce at really good prices. I may have to MAKE the alfredo sauce--something else that terrifies me. We are having the party at the Dayton Country Clubhouse--I couldn't add cleaning my house to the stress of cooking and remain SANE. Cody's job is to show up, be charming, and, oh yeah, GRADUATE. We are hoping his band will play at 8:00 if they can coordinate their schedules. If not, there will be a zombie walk through Dayton at this time.
So, if you're not doing anything the Friday before graduation, consider yourself cordially invited to Cody Kelso Breitsprecher's zombie graduation pasta supper. Come eat some vegetarian spaghetti, bounce is a big pink castle, and congratulate my favorite graduate. If nothing else, it should prove interesting.
All I can control is what leads up to the graduation ceremony--senior pictures, class rings, and, of course, the graduation open house. Not that Cody hasn't had input into these things--it's just that if he doesn't make a decision, I just go ahead and make it for him. And--it gets done--crossed off the list--never to be worried about again. The ways things should be, darn it. But, I digress.
We decided to combine a cross country pasta supper with a zombie theme. Yeppers--no little ham sandwiches for this graduation party--we're gonna be DIFFERENT. Instead of the obligatory cake, we'll be serving zombie cookies. I wasn't even going to offer mints--but then I found a brain mold so decided to go ahead and make some bloody little sweets. Well, at least I PLAN on making mints--I've never actually done it before and most of my cooking experiments don't turn out so well.
The plates and napkins won't be in class colors, but in black, because, well, zombies like black. I bought them on clearance the day after Halloween, along with some eyeball ice cubes and an intestine jello mold. The punch will be bright red and served in an IV bag. Instead of signing a guest book, visitors will have their picture taken with the grad by a pack of marauding zombies left over from Paddy's birthday party.
But that's not all folks: Cody decided he wanted to have a bouncy house for all his little nieces, nephews, and cousins. And not just any bouncy house--but a PRINCESS bouncy house. Patrick--in full zombie regalia--will serve as the host of the bouncy house. Yes, I do have strange children. Why do you ask?
The biggest challenge has to do with the most normal decision we've made--the meal. Before every cross country meet the last six years, Dean has hosted a pasta pot luck for his runners. We decided Cody's graduation party would be his last pasta supper as a high schooler. Since Cody's a vegetarian (yet again, he is odd), we decided on a white sauce, a red sauce, two different noodles, and no meat. A little research showed that serving pasta buffet-style is difficult. Apparently, I am to cook the noodles to "slightly below al dente" and then give them a "cold shock." I have no idea what any of that means, but it sounds complicated. Then you serve the pasta in warm water. Well, I found some really cool skeleton tongs to serve it with--that's a start, right?? Ham sandwiches might have been easier.
I haven't figured out what to do about bread yet. I've been using my newfound couponing skills to buy the pasta and sauce at really good prices. I may have to MAKE the alfredo sauce--something else that terrifies me. We are having the party at the Dayton Country Clubhouse--I couldn't add cleaning my house to the stress of cooking and remain SANE. Cody's job is to show up, be charming, and, oh yeah, GRADUATE. We are hoping his band will play at 8:00 if they can coordinate their schedules. If not, there will be a zombie walk through Dayton at this time.
So, if you're not doing anything the Friday before graduation, consider yourself cordially invited to Cody Kelso Breitsprecher's zombie graduation pasta supper. Come eat some vegetarian spaghetti, bounce is a big pink castle, and congratulate my favorite graduate. If nothing else, it should prove interesting.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
VOTE NEWT!!
So much has happened in the past week in the presidential race, I don't even know where to start. I guess the event that made me saddest was Rick Perry dropping out of the race. Ironically, Rick dropped out the day after I wrote my last column, which was a scathing critique of his stand on the marine urination scandal. I really don't think it is a coincidence that immediately following the publication of my column, Perry withdrew, do you? Still, Rick was the last true buffoon in the race and I'll miss mocking him every single day.
It is interesting that Rick Perry, with his strong Tea party credentials, chose to throw his support to Newt Gingrich, instead of the more logical choice of Rick Santorum. I would really like to know what Newt gave Perry in order to get that endorsement, right before the South Carolina primary. Perhaps an expense account at Tiffany's??
It looks like the Republican nomination is down to Mitt Romney, who seems like a pretty decent guy, and Gingrich, who is (to paraphrase George Bush) a major league asshole. I really wouldn't care about Newt's personal life or whether he asked his wife to join him in an open marriage IF (and it's a big if) he hadn't led the charge against Bill Clinton during the Monica Lewinski scandal. A candidate's personal life is either fair game or it isn't--one way or the other--Mr. Former Speaker--you can't have it both ways. If it is okay for you to bring Bill Clinton's personal life into the public view, it is the utmost hypocrisy for you to complain when people do the same to you. You can't rant and rave and demand answers about the blue dress and then yell at a reporter who dares ask about your ex-wife's interview. You just can't! Well, apparently you can (because Newt did), but you really shouldn't.
Same thing with ethics; a man who was kicked out of the House for ethics violations really shouldn't be questioning ANYONE'S ethics. You know: the whole "people who live in glass houses" and "pot calling the kettle black" stuff. If I were Mitt Romney, every time Newt brought up Bain Capital, I'd bring up the $300,000 fine levied on him by the House due to his ethics violations. Mitt doesn't do this--probably because he's a decent guy--but he might have to in order to beat Gingrich.
Newt's biggest problem is one never knows when he's gonna just lose it and go off. He might scream at the reporter; he might call an opponent a liar; he might insinuate that Barack Obama is from Kenya--ya just never know.
And this is why I think all you Republicans out there in Republicanville should VOTE FOR NEWT! Seriously, I would LOVE Newt to be the one to oppose Obama. Why pick someone serious and normal--someone who can take the pressure and has a history of being reliable and thoughtful? Pick the firecracker; the philanderer; the potential felon. Pick the guy with the temper and the pinkie ring and the long, long history of blowing up and saying absolutely stupid things. PLEASE????
It is interesting that Rick Perry, with his strong Tea party credentials, chose to throw his support to Newt Gingrich, instead of the more logical choice of Rick Santorum. I would really like to know what Newt gave Perry in order to get that endorsement, right before the South Carolina primary. Perhaps an expense account at Tiffany's??
It looks like the Republican nomination is down to Mitt Romney, who seems like a pretty decent guy, and Gingrich, who is (to paraphrase George Bush) a major league asshole. I really wouldn't care about Newt's personal life or whether he asked his wife to join him in an open marriage IF (and it's a big if) he hadn't led the charge against Bill Clinton during the Monica Lewinski scandal. A candidate's personal life is either fair game or it isn't--one way or the other--Mr. Former Speaker--you can't have it both ways. If it is okay for you to bring Bill Clinton's personal life into the public view, it is the utmost hypocrisy for you to complain when people do the same to you. You can't rant and rave and demand answers about the blue dress and then yell at a reporter who dares ask about your ex-wife's interview. You just can't! Well, apparently you can (because Newt did), but you really shouldn't.
Same thing with ethics; a man who was kicked out of the House for ethics violations really shouldn't be questioning ANYONE'S ethics. You know: the whole "people who live in glass houses" and "pot calling the kettle black" stuff. If I were Mitt Romney, every time Newt brought up Bain Capital, I'd bring up the $300,000 fine levied on him by the House due to his ethics violations. Mitt doesn't do this--probably because he's a decent guy--but he might have to in order to beat Gingrich.
Newt's biggest problem is one never knows when he's gonna just lose it and go off. He might scream at the reporter; he might call an opponent a liar; he might insinuate that Barack Obama is from Kenya--ya just never know.
And this is why I think all you Republicans out there in Republicanville should VOTE FOR NEWT! Seriously, I would LOVE Newt to be the one to oppose Obama. Why pick someone serious and normal--someone who can take the pressure and has a history of being reliable and thoughtful? Pick the firecracker; the philanderer; the potential felon. Pick the guy with the temper and the pinkie ring and the long, long history of blowing up and saying absolutely stupid things. PLEASE????
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Another week, another Republican bites the dust. This time around it is Jon Huntsman, the Republican who dared believe in science. The former ambassador to China said: “I put my faith and trust in science. So you have 99 of 100 climate scientists who have come out and talked about climate change in certain terms, what is responsible for it. I tend to say this is a discussion that should not be in the political lane but should be in the scientific lane.” So-yeah--he could never get the Republican nod after that. Republicans don't believe in science. Heck, even Republican science teachers don't believe in science.
Huntsman's such a non-issue, I don't think I'll spend any more time on him. I want to talk about another candidate--Rick Perry--and his reaction to the news that American marines urinated on enemy corpses. The White House and Pentagon (naturally) were furious when they saw the video, which was posted on youtube--and they had a right to be. Defense secretary Leon Panetta said their behavior was "utterly deplorable" and the offenders would be punished. Timothy Kudo, a former marine captain who served in Helmand, was quoted in The Sunday Times saying: "For me the affront is personal. In a 42-second video, these marines undid everything that my unit spent seven months working to accomplish."
By the way, desecrating corpses is against the Geneva Convention. And it's disgusting.
Rick Perry, who served in the air force, called the offenders "kids" and said it was "just a mistake." Okay . . . umm . . . maybe. But then he went further and lost all apparent touch with reality. First he compared giving golden showers to corpses to a picture of Army General George Patton urinating in the Rhine River in Germany near the end of World War Two. He then added that “Although there’s not a picture,” British Prime Minister Winston “Churchill did the same thing on the Siegfried line.” The obvious difference is that Patton and Churchill were not pissing on the corpses of dead German soldiers--but maybe that's just me.
He then went on to say that the truly deplorable behavior is that of the Taliban, who videoed the beheading of Daniel Pearl and committed scores of other atrocities. I agree. However, what Perry seems to be missing is that they are BOTH deplorable acts and shouldn't the United States strive to be better than the Taliban?? Actually, that's what a lot of people tend to miss. We--the United States--need to behave better than our terrorist opponents because we ARE better. Rick Perry doesn't get it--but then he doesn't get a lot of things.
Those "kids" need to be court martialed for their "mistake"--no doubt about it.
Huntsman's such a non-issue, I don't think I'll spend any more time on him. I want to talk about another candidate--Rick Perry--and his reaction to the news that American marines urinated on enemy corpses. The White House and Pentagon (naturally) were furious when they saw the video, which was posted on youtube--and they had a right to be. Defense secretary Leon Panetta said their behavior was "utterly deplorable" and the offenders would be punished. Timothy Kudo, a former marine captain who served in Helmand, was quoted in The Sunday Times saying: "For me the affront is personal. In a 42-second video, these marines undid everything that my unit spent seven months working to accomplish."
By the way, desecrating corpses is against the Geneva Convention. And it's disgusting.
Rick Perry, who served in the air force, called the offenders "kids" and said it was "just a mistake." Okay . . . umm . . . maybe. But then he went further and lost all apparent touch with reality. First he compared giving golden showers to corpses to a picture of Army General George Patton urinating in the Rhine River in Germany near the end of World War Two. He then added that “Although there’s not a picture,” British Prime Minister Winston “Churchill did the same thing on the Siegfried line.” The obvious difference is that Patton and Churchill were not pissing on the corpses of dead German soldiers--but maybe that's just me.
He then went on to say that the truly deplorable behavior is that of the Taliban, who videoed the beheading of Daniel Pearl and committed scores of other atrocities. I agree. However, what Perry seems to be missing is that they are BOTH deplorable acts and shouldn't the United States strive to be better than the Taliban?? Actually, that's what a lot of people tend to miss. We--the United States--need to behave better than our terrorist opponents because we ARE better. Rick Perry doesn't get it--but then he doesn't get a lot of things.
Those "kids" need to be court martialed for their "mistake"--no doubt about it.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Watching Republicans Eat their Young!
So, now it's Mitt. After victories in Iowa and New Hampshire, Mr. Romney has emerged as the man to beat in the race for the Republican presidential nomination. And the attack dogs are out in full force. Many of the anti-Romney ads are downright vicious.
Newt Gingrich is behind a lot of these "Willie Hortonesque" ads. Apparently, some companies taken over by Romney's investment firm Bain Capital went bankrupt and left workers "high and dry." That's a grave sin, according to Newt Gingrich, who has no chance of winning the nomination, but apparently just likes to be a horse's ass when it comes to Romney. A Gingrich backer recently gave Newt $5 million to keep on attacking the front runner. Newt's newest ad calls Romney "pro abortion"--which to a Republican is pretty awful indeed. It's like saying they believe in science or something.
Rick Perry--another also-ran with no chance of winning--has jumped on the name-calling bandwagon, calling Romney a "vulture capitalist." I'm thinking calling a Republican businessman a vulture capitalist is an oxymoron, but that's just me. I guess his attack ads make about as much sense as his "positive" ads, where he vows to send Congress home, a power which does not rest in the executive branch. Three words, Rick: Separation of Powers. I'm predicting Rick will drop out after South Carolina and go back to Texas, where people don't think he's dumber than a box of rocks.
But, before we get all teary-eyed about poor little Mitt, he has some pretty nasty ads of his own, mostly attacking Gingrich for his "mistakes," including agreeing with Nancy Pelosi one time (that BITCH!).
However, my favorite political ad of this campaign wasn't generated by one of the candidates still in the race, but by Michele Bachman's PAC. This is the ad that compares Michele to Tim Tebow. Seems kind of a stretch for me, but it apparently worked in Iowa, driving hoards of football fans out to caucus. Oh wait . . .
Ron Paul, who finished 2nd in New Hampshire, has been running some pretty nasty ads himself, mostly attacking Rick Santorum. Santorum was the big "winner" in Iowa, finishing second to Mitty-poo. In New Hampshire he finished a disappointing fifth, behind Romney, Paul, Huntsman, and Gingrich. Iowans may not know much of Jon Huntsman because he basically skipped our caucus. He doesn't have much a chance because he believes in evolution and we just can't have that kind of madness in the Republican party.
Watching the Republicans bad mouth each other is certainly interesting, but it begs the question: does it do ANYONE any good?? Does these vitriolic ads help the nation? the economy? the general welfare?? I'm thinking it doesn't even help the Democrats--because we do the same darn thing when it is our turn to fight it out in the primaries.
Does my smart-assy writing style do anything to make this world a better place--other than make fellow liberals chuckle occasionally? Probably not. Perhaps we should all raise the level of our rhetoric--starting with me.
Nah!
Newt Gingrich is behind a lot of these "Willie Hortonesque" ads. Apparently, some companies taken over by Romney's investment firm Bain Capital went bankrupt and left workers "high and dry." That's a grave sin, according to Newt Gingrich, who has no chance of winning the nomination, but apparently just likes to be a horse's ass when it comes to Romney. A Gingrich backer recently gave Newt $5 million to keep on attacking the front runner. Newt's newest ad calls Romney "pro abortion"--which to a Republican is pretty awful indeed. It's like saying they believe in science or something.
Rick Perry--another also-ran with no chance of winning--has jumped on the name-calling bandwagon, calling Romney a "vulture capitalist." I'm thinking calling a Republican businessman a vulture capitalist is an oxymoron, but that's just me. I guess his attack ads make about as much sense as his "positive" ads, where he vows to send Congress home, a power which does not rest in the executive branch. Three words, Rick: Separation of Powers. I'm predicting Rick will drop out after South Carolina and go back to Texas, where people don't think he's dumber than a box of rocks.
But, before we get all teary-eyed about poor little Mitt, he has some pretty nasty ads of his own, mostly attacking Gingrich for his "mistakes," including agreeing with Nancy Pelosi one time (that BITCH!).
However, my favorite political ad of this campaign wasn't generated by one of the candidates still in the race, but by Michele Bachman's PAC. This is the ad that compares Michele to Tim Tebow. Seems kind of a stretch for me, but it apparently worked in Iowa, driving hoards of football fans out to caucus. Oh wait . . .
Ron Paul, who finished 2nd in New Hampshire, has been running some pretty nasty ads himself, mostly attacking Rick Santorum. Santorum was the big "winner" in Iowa, finishing second to Mitty-poo. In New Hampshire he finished a disappointing fifth, behind Romney, Paul, Huntsman, and Gingrich. Iowans may not know much of Jon Huntsman because he basically skipped our caucus. He doesn't have much a chance because he believes in evolution and we just can't have that kind of madness in the Republican party.
Watching the Republicans bad mouth each other is certainly interesting, but it begs the question: does it do ANYONE any good?? Does these vitriolic ads help the nation? the economy? the general welfare?? I'm thinking it doesn't even help the Democrats--because we do the same darn thing when it is our turn to fight it out in the primaries.
Does my smart-assy writing style do anything to make this world a better place--other than make fellow liberals chuckle occasionally? Probably not. Perhaps we should all raise the level of our rhetoric--starting with me.
Nah!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
With Michelle gone, whatever will I do for entertainment??
I just listened to Michelle Bachman tell the country that she will no longer be seeking the Republican nomination for President of the United States. I must admit--I teared up a little. Not really from sadness; more from mirth. I couldn't help, but remember all the unbelievable things she's said in the past few months --like the time she confused John Wayne the movie star from Winterset with John Wayne Gacy, the serial killer from Waterloo. Or how about when she explained she didn't really want to be a tax attorney, but her husband wanted her to be one and the Bible says for wives to be submissive--so what choice did she have? Or course there was also the time she explained that not one study said that carbon dioxide was in any way dangerous. And I'm not even going to get started on her whole "Pray away the Gay" theory.
Michelle also blamed the swine flu on Democrats, explained that not all cultures are equal, and warned the The Lion King is gay propoganda. Yeppers--I'm gonna miss that crazy lady.
Maybe I'll get lucky and the eventual nominee will pick her as the vice-presidential candidate. In the meantime, I'll have to make do laughing at Rick Perry, who may be the dumbest politician I have ever followed. "I'm gonna cut their (Congress') pay in half and send 'em home." Umm . . . Rick . .. ever heard of separation of powers?? Pretty sure your proposal isn't Constitutional. Of course, you could change the Constitution--bet Congress will support you on that one!
Perry also thinks Juarez is the most dangerous city in America (it's in Mexico) and described the BP oil spill as an act of God. I am thinking that as long as Perry keeps speaking, I will be able to fill in the humor gap that Michelle left when she quit the campaign.
The other candidates are less entertaining than Bachmann and Perry. I actually had a certain amount of respect for Rick Santorum--but that was before I realized he had Jim Bob Dugger of "19 and counting" fame out campaigning for him. I can't even figure out the logic behind that one. "You should vote for Rick because I am really fertile and have absolutely no regard for my wife's health." Is that what Jim Bob says to voters?? So, even if Santorum doesn't make me chuckle, I'm sure his supporters will give me a great deal of material.
Ron Paul is an intense little guy in a suit that is two sizes too big that isn't all that humorous. Except for that one time he did an imitation of a heroin addict during a debate. And that wasn't really funny as much as it was strange. His ideas are extreme, but intriguing. If I had to vote for a Republican, it would probably be him. I actually met him at the Latin King restaurant in Des Moines last week. I even posed for a photo with him--which was pretty cool. Ron Paul's supporters--many of whom seem to border on mental illness--would be pretty entertaining if they weren't so darn frightening. If you don't believe, listen to what some of them have to say when they call into talk radio shows. Makes you want to force them to mainline anti-psychotic meds for the good of all society.
Newt Gingrich is humorous, mainly because he takes himself so very seriously. I would really like someone to tell him that he's not nearly as smart as he thinks he is. "Historian" my ass. That's like me calling myself a Shakespearean Scholar; technically it is true, but not really and everyone knows it. His wife's hair makes me chuckle a little. And his pinkie ring. Other than that, he can't hold a candle to Michelle in the guffaw category.
I don't know much about John Huntsman, except he is a Republican that believes in evolution and therefore has been disowned by his own party. Well, I guess that is kind of funny. And then there is the heir apparent, Mitt Romney. He has a funny name at least.
Did I get all the candidates? I might have missed a couple--there are a bunch. Of course, some have dropped out (Herman Cain, who was probably the most humorous candidate not only of this election, but of all time) and some never really dropped in, but still threaten to from time-to-time (Sarah Palin and Donald Trump--both of who could keep me laughing for decades). Right now I am waiting patiently for Rick Perry to decide whether he will stay in the race after his dismal Iowa Caucus showing or if he should just go back home to Texas and shoot something. You think if I sent him a donation, he'd stay in the race just a little while longer? Methinks a few more weeks of watching him try to explain his own policies during a debate (OOPS!) would be worth a few bucks out of my pocket.
Michelle also blamed the swine flu on Democrats, explained that not all cultures are equal, and warned the The Lion King is gay propoganda. Yeppers--I'm gonna miss that crazy lady.
Maybe I'll get lucky and the eventual nominee will pick her as the vice-presidential candidate. In the meantime, I'll have to make do laughing at Rick Perry, who may be the dumbest politician I have ever followed. "I'm gonna cut their (Congress') pay in half and send 'em home." Umm . . . Rick . .. ever heard of separation of powers?? Pretty sure your proposal isn't Constitutional. Of course, you could change the Constitution--bet Congress will support you on that one!
Perry also thinks Juarez is the most dangerous city in America (it's in Mexico) and described the BP oil spill as an act of God. I am thinking that as long as Perry keeps speaking, I will be able to fill in the humor gap that Michelle left when she quit the campaign.
The other candidates are less entertaining than Bachmann and Perry. I actually had a certain amount of respect for Rick Santorum--but that was before I realized he had Jim Bob Dugger of "19 and counting" fame out campaigning for him. I can't even figure out the logic behind that one. "You should vote for Rick because I am really fertile and have absolutely no regard for my wife's health." Is that what Jim Bob says to voters?? So, even if Santorum doesn't make me chuckle, I'm sure his supporters will give me a great deal of material.
Ron Paul is an intense little guy in a suit that is two sizes too big that isn't all that humorous. Except for that one time he did an imitation of a heroin addict during a debate. And that wasn't really funny as much as it was strange. His ideas are extreme, but intriguing. If I had to vote for a Republican, it would probably be him. I actually met him at the Latin King restaurant in Des Moines last week. I even posed for a photo with him--which was pretty cool. Ron Paul's supporters--many of whom seem to border on mental illness--would be pretty entertaining if they weren't so darn frightening. If you don't believe, listen to what some of them have to say when they call into talk radio shows. Makes you want to force them to mainline anti-psychotic meds for the good of all society.
Newt Gingrich is humorous, mainly because he takes himself so very seriously. I would really like someone to tell him that he's not nearly as smart as he thinks he is. "Historian" my ass. That's like me calling myself a Shakespearean Scholar; technically it is true, but not really and everyone knows it. His wife's hair makes me chuckle a little. And his pinkie ring. Other than that, he can't hold a candle to Michelle in the guffaw category.
I don't know much about John Huntsman, except he is a Republican that believes in evolution and therefore has been disowned by his own party. Well, I guess that is kind of funny. And then there is the heir apparent, Mitt Romney. He has a funny name at least.
Did I get all the candidates? I might have missed a couple--there are a bunch. Of course, some have dropped out (Herman Cain, who was probably the most humorous candidate not only of this election, but of all time) and some never really dropped in, but still threaten to from time-to-time (Sarah Palin and Donald Trump--both of who could keep me laughing for decades). Right now I am waiting patiently for Rick Perry to decide whether he will stay in the race after his dismal Iowa Caucus showing or if he should just go back home to Texas and shoot something. You think if I sent him a donation, he'd stay in the race just a little while longer? Methinks a few more weeks of watching him try to explain his own policies during a debate (OOPS!) would be worth a few bucks out of my pocket.
Monday, January 2, 2012
New Year's Resolutions
I feel a little lost since I'm not writing a weekly or bi-weekly column--like part of "me" is gone. It was actually my husband's idea to start writing on a regular basis again--but simply posting it to this blog. The good part about publishing this way is that it will be uncensored and I can say what I'm really thinking. That might be the bad part, too!
Anyway, New Year's Resolution #2 is officially done, as is this my first non-Dayton Review post to this blog. Resolution #1 was to use my twitter account to publish all my couponing advice. The address for that is @theatregoddess if anyone wants the latest news about shopping and saving in the Fort Dodge/Ames area. I had a great experience today at Walgreens (saved $56 bucks) and a terrible experience at Dollar General (pretty sure you are REQUIRED to sleep with a family member and drink moonshine to get an job there). I hooked the twitter account to my phone--so expect spelling errors in my tweets!
I have 8 other resolutions. "Lose weight" and "exercise daily" are, of course, two of them. Another is to do one thing a day in regards to Cody's senior year, so I don't get overwhelmed come May. For example, today I tried to buy spaghetti sauce at Dollar General for his graduation party. That went horribly wrong and I didn't buy any sauce--but I tried so I figure I kept the resolution in spirit at least. Right?? I also downloaded a scholarship for vegetarians he can fill out tomorrow. Who knew such a thing existed. Thank Heavens for the internet.
I'm gonna sign off and go play my new obsession: Words With Friends. The minute Alex Baldwin explained that smart people play it, I signed up. It is pretty addictive--but I don't think I'll be getting kicked off a plane because of it anytime soon.
Anyway, New Year's Resolution #2 is officially done, as is this my first non-Dayton Review post to this blog. Resolution #1 was to use my twitter account to publish all my couponing advice. The address for that is @theatregoddess if anyone wants the latest news about shopping and saving in the Fort Dodge/Ames area. I had a great experience today at Walgreens (saved $56 bucks) and a terrible experience at Dollar General (pretty sure you are REQUIRED to sleep with a family member and drink moonshine to get an job there). I hooked the twitter account to my phone--so expect spelling errors in my tweets!
I have 8 other resolutions. "Lose weight" and "exercise daily" are, of course, two of them. Another is to do one thing a day in regards to Cody's senior year, so I don't get overwhelmed come May. For example, today I tried to buy spaghetti sauce at Dollar General for his graduation party. That went horribly wrong and I didn't buy any sauce--but I tried so I figure I kept the resolution in spirit at least. Right?? I also downloaded a scholarship for vegetarians he can fill out tomorrow. Who knew such a thing existed. Thank Heavens for the internet.
I'm gonna sign off and go play my new obsession: Words With Friends. The minute Alex Baldwin explained that smart people play it, I signed up. It is pretty addictive--but I don't think I'll be getting kicked off a plane because of it anytime soon.
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