I just listened to Michelle Bachman tell the country that she will no longer be seeking the Republican nomination for President of the United States. I must admit--I teared up a little. Not really from sadness; more from mirth. I couldn't help, but remember all the unbelievable things she's said in the past few months --like the time she confused John Wayne the movie star from Winterset with John Wayne Gacy, the serial killer from Waterloo. Or how about when she explained she didn't really want to be a tax attorney, but her husband wanted her to be one and the Bible says for wives to be submissive--so what choice did she have? Or course there was also the time she explained that not one study said that carbon dioxide was in any way dangerous. And I'm not even going to get started on her whole "Pray away the Gay" theory.
Michelle also blamed the swine flu on Democrats, explained that not all cultures are equal, and warned the The Lion King is gay propoganda. Yeppers--I'm gonna miss that crazy lady.
Maybe I'll get lucky and the eventual nominee will pick her as the vice-presidential candidate. In the meantime, I'll have to make do laughing at Rick Perry, who may be the dumbest politician I have ever followed. "I'm gonna cut their (Congress') pay in half and send 'em home." Umm . . . Rick . .. ever heard of separation of powers?? Pretty sure your proposal isn't Constitutional. Of course, you could change the Constitution--bet Congress will support you on that one!
Perry also thinks Juarez is the most dangerous city in America (it's in Mexico) and described the BP oil spill as an act of God. I am thinking that as long as Perry keeps speaking, I will be able to fill in the humor gap that Michelle left when she quit the campaign.
The other candidates are less entertaining than Bachmann and Perry. I actually had a certain amount of respect for Rick Santorum--but that was before I realized he had Jim Bob Dugger of "19 and counting" fame out campaigning for him. I can't even figure out the logic behind that one. "You should vote for Rick because I am really fertile and have absolutely no regard for my wife's health." Is that what Jim Bob says to voters?? So, even if Santorum doesn't make me chuckle, I'm sure his supporters will give me a great deal of material.
Ron Paul is an intense little guy in a suit that is two sizes too big that isn't all that humorous. Except for that one time he did an imitation of a heroin addict during a debate. And that wasn't really funny as much as it was strange. His ideas are extreme, but intriguing. If I had to vote for a Republican, it would probably be him. I actually met him at the Latin King restaurant in Des Moines last week. I even posed for a photo with him--which was pretty cool. Ron Paul's supporters--many of whom seem to border on mental illness--would be pretty entertaining if they weren't so darn frightening. If you don't believe, listen to what some of them have to say when they call into talk radio shows. Makes you want to force them to mainline anti-psychotic meds for the good of all society.
Newt Gingrich is humorous, mainly because he takes himself so very seriously. I would really like someone to tell him that he's not nearly as smart as he thinks he is. "Historian" my ass. That's like me calling myself a Shakespearean Scholar; technically it is true, but not really and everyone knows it. His wife's hair makes me chuckle a little. And his pinkie ring. Other than that, he can't hold a candle to Michelle in the guffaw category.
I don't know much about John Huntsman, except he is a Republican that believes in evolution and therefore has been disowned by his own party. Well, I guess that is kind of funny. And then there is the heir apparent, Mitt Romney. He has a funny name at least.
Did I get all the candidates? I might have missed a couple--there are a bunch. Of course, some have dropped out (Herman Cain, who was probably the most humorous candidate not only of this election, but of all time) and some never really dropped in, but still threaten to from time-to-time (Sarah Palin and Donald Trump--both of who could keep me laughing for decades). Right now I am waiting patiently for Rick Perry to decide whether he will stay in the race after his dismal Iowa Caucus showing or if he should just go back home to Texas and shoot something. You think if I sent him a donation, he'd stay in the race just a little while longer? Methinks a few more weeks of watching him try to explain his own policies during a debate (OOPS!) would be worth a few bucks out of my pocket.
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